How to accept a drug delivery without getting busted
Part of the article is an excerpt taken from the book “Drug Interdiction: Partnerships, Legal Principles, and Investigative Methodologies for Law Enforcement”. Written by seasoned drug enforcement officials, this book provides a "cop's point of view" of domestic drug interdiction.
This article was initially posted on the now defunct Agora forum by DrMDA and later republished on Reddit.
The article explains in detail how the ‘Parcel System’ in the U.S. is working. Starting with the training of commercial and independent parcel staff, the involvement of drug canine teams, U.S. postal inspectors and other law enforcement agents to intercept drug shipments, and is concluding with guidelines in case a ‘controlled delivery’ is taking place.
The article describes U.S. law enforcement procedures, but according to our research findings, procedures in the European Union are very similar. This applies in particular to the guidelines on how to stay safe.
What is drug parcel interdiction?
Parcel systems – private, commercial, or the U.S. Postal Service – are extremely popular for the transportation of narcotics among drug traffickers.
Drug traffickers and drug trafficking organizations have used this method of transportation for a number of years.
The transportation of narcotics using various parcel systems has been exploited, and it continues to be a popular method of transportation, because it is relatively safe and inexpensive.
These parcel systems are occasionally monitored by law enforcement, but in most cases, not enough. This type of investigation is difficult to prove and takes extensive investigative effort.
Training commercial and independent parcel staff
This chapter will outline and provide an introduction to parcel investigations as an investigative tool.
Parcel task force groups will be explained in detail along with their role in the investigation of organizations using parcel systems.
Parcel facilities will be described, as well as instructions for training parcel staff in the detection of individuals using commercial package locations to ship narcotics.
Commercial staff will be trained in the behavior and characteristics of criminal activity displayed by traffickers while using the parcel system to facilitate the drug trade.
Investigative techniques such as controlled deliveries and the use of tracking devices will be discussed in detail.
What can law enforcement do to combat individuals and organizations using the parcel systems to transport and ship narcotics? It is not always easy.
Millions of parcels and packages are shipped throughout the world on a daily basis.
Trying to segregate those parcels which contain narcotics is a difficult task, to say the least.
There are a number of investigative efforts that can be used in this environment.
First and foremost, a properly trained drug canine team needs to be in place to conduct these types of operations. Without such a resource, parcel cases are virtually impossible to make. The drug canine is the ultimate instrument in the development of probable cause for the opening of a suspected drug parcel.
The canine should be a single-purpose drug dog whose handler trains in the parcel/package environment.
There are three different types of business which law enforcement should seek out when establishing a parcel interdiction group.
First is the commercial private system, such as the United Parcel Service (UPS), Federal Express, Airborne Express, DHL Worldwide Express, and other freight services such as Roadway and Yellow Freight Company.
Then there are the independent parcel companies including franchises such as Pac n’ Send, Mail Boxes etc., Zip-N-Ship, and others.
The U.S. Postal Service is the third type of parcel business that we will be exploring for suspicious activity.
With respect to the U.S. Postal Service, state and local law enforcement officials must deal with the U.S. Postal Inspector’s Office, which has primary jurisdiction over all U.S. mail.
The U.S. Postal Inspector’s Office works closely with other federal agencies, including the U.S. Customs Service, which inspects parcels and other cargo entering the borders of the United States.
State and local law enforcement, as well as federal authorities, do not have jurisdiction in the investigation of narcotics shipped through the U.S. Postal Service.
The U.S. Postal Inspector has a number of offices located throughout the United States.
The Postal Inspector’s Service monitors parcels through its system and can provide historical information on previous parcels delivered to a particular location. It also has tracking capabilities of anticipated suspect drug parcels.
The U.S. Postal Inspector’s Office works closely with state and local law enforcement to conduct joint operations, including controlled deliveries.
If a state or local law enforcement does not have a relationship with respect to a drug parcel unit, the Postal Inspector’s Service is a good partner that can assist in drug parcel operations.
When forming a drug parcel squad, the law enforcement agency should reach out to the Postal Inspector’s Office for the purpose of partnering in investigations.
Commercial private systems are typically extremely cooperative with law enforcement in drug parcel investigations.
Drug parcel groups should approach company management and the loss prevention officer to initiate a program.
Independent parcel companies, which are franchise companies, generally provide services for small business needs such as packing and shipping, and providing business addresses.
These small postal service centers are extremely popular locations for drug traffickers to send and receive drug parcels.
Many of these facilities have mailbox rentals available.
Indicators of possible criminal activity
Let us examine some of the possible indicators of criminal activity with respect to parcel investigations.
These indicators are not all-inclusive; however, they have been found to be typical of the behavior and conduct of individuals who are using parcel systems to facilitate drug transportation.
This behavior is typically identified during a face-to-face encounter at a commercial and independent parcel service.
Observation is typically made at the counter when an individual is shipping or receiving parcels.
Some of these indicators of possible criminal activity are:
An individual who asks many questions about parcel delivery such as the exact time of delivery may be suspect.
Fictitious sender information such as name, address, and telephone number is common because the sender does not want to be identified.
Receiver address may not be correct, for example, a vacant lot or an unoccupied residence that may be for sale.
The trafficker may be waiting at a vacant residence that is for sale or at a residence that is not theirs that they are just using for a delivery.
There may have been surveillance to confirm this.
A vacant lot or vacant residence is a common delivery destination, where the delivery driver may drive by and a person would flag him down, asking him if he had a package for that location.
Random examination of parcels
Once parcel staff has been trained to conduct operations on sorting facilities and independent operational locations, investigators may utilize a drug canine team to conduct random examinations at these facilities.
In the case of independent operations, the canine team may routinely conduct random examinations of parcels.
This process can be done quietly in areas away from the public.
Typically, when a parcel is received at the facility, it is placed in a routing area with other parcels.
The canine team can be deployed to examine parcels at the location.
Outgoing and incoming parcels may be examined.
In random examinations at sorting facilities such as UPS, Federal Express, and Airborne, investigators may conduct visual examinations of parcels, later segregating those parcels for examination by the canine team.
It is not recommended that the drug dog be placed on a sorting belt for examination of parcels. The dog will lose interest if “loaded” parcels (parcels with drugs) are not placed for it to find, or the dog will tire after a time. Suspicious parcels should be segregated for the canine team to examine.
When the canine team advises the investigator that the dog has alerted for the odor of narcotics in a suspected parcel, an investigation commences.
An outgoing parcel investigation should be conducted to verify sender information such as name, address, and telephone number.
Probable cause necessary to obtain a search warrant for the parcel is developed in this way.
It may be necessary for investigators to verify location by driving by the address.
A sender address may not exist or may be part of a large apartment complex with no apartment number.
The sender name must be verified, and typically is a common name or does not exist as it relates to a particular address and telephone number.
At this time, investigators should notify the law enforcement agency in the jurisdiction the parcel is being sent to, in order to discuss the receiver information in their jurisdiction.
Outgoing parcels are typically from source cities or states or from an area from which currency may be sent to purchase drugs.
The receiver law enforcement agency should conduct an investigation on the name and address.
Typically, the name of the receiver is fictitious or is a variation of the true name of the receiver.
The address is generally correct, because the sender wants the package to be delivered.
However, the location may be a “drop” location or a residence where the receiver may be waiting for the parcel to be delivered.
There may be information from the other law enforcement regarding the location to which the parcel is addressed. Intelligence information or other criminal investigations may reveal the location to be a known drug house.
With a package that is to be delivered from business to business or individual to business, the law enforcement agency should conduct a thorough investigation as to ownership and management of that location.
There have been cases where, for example, a clerk at a convenience food store has used that location to receive narcotics via a parcel.
The package was addressed to the convenience store, and the employee was awaiting delivery of the parcel.
If law enforcement agencies determine that the information on the sender side is fictitious, coupled with the canine alert on the parcel, probable cause would exist to obtain a search warrant.
The local jurisdiction the parcel is located in would prepare a search warrant and have a magistrate or judge sign it for purposes of opening the suspected parcel.
Before removing the parcel for the purpose of obtaining a search warrant, a parcel facility should be provided with a receipt for the item.
The receipt should include the facility name, location, package type, and the date and time that the parcel was taken into custody, along with a police case number.
There should be a description of the parcel or parcels.
The receipt should be signed by the person releasing the property and by the investigator.
A copy of this property receipt form should be provided to the facility for their records and also be kept as part of the case file.
Parcels from commercial parcel services can be tracked via the Internet or by telephone.
With a tracking number, a package can be tracked to its destination and where it is currently located.
The package may leave a location to go to a hub area, and be distributed from that location.
Management or loss prevention personnel of the facility should be asked to make a computer entry in their system so that if the drug trafficker checks the parcel by tracking number, it is not reflected that the parcel was taken into police custody.
This should be discussed, and the tracking may reflect that there was some sort of sorting problem and that the parcel is at a particular location.
This is extremely important with overnight parcels, as time is critical in the delivery of the parcel, which makes it very difficult to conduct a controlled delivery in a timely fashion.
Once probable cause is developed and a search warrant is obtained and signed, the parcel may be opened for examination by the law enforcement agency.
It should be opened carefully so as to not damage the parcel in its original state.
Once the interior of the parcel has been examined for the verification of narcotics, the investigators may take a sample of the contents before delivery in case the parcel is destroyed during the controlled delivery.
The parcel should be closed and placed in another parcel, initialed, and dated.
It can then be sent through the parcel system to the investigators conducting the controlled delivery in the destination jurisdiction.
A copy of the search warrant that was executed on the parcel should be made available to the receiving agency.
This will assist in preparing an anticipatory search warrant in preparation for the controlled delivery of the parcel to a residence or business.
All investigative documents should be forwarded to the agency as well.
A police agency that has a parcel investigative group in another jurisdiction may contact your agency to ask if you would like to receive a package that has been identified with narcotics.
The same steps are taken in preparing for your agency to conduct a controlled delivery in your jurisdiction.
Typically, the other law enforcement agency will conduct a thorough investigation and develop probable cause to obtain a search warrant to open the suspected parcel.
They may take a sample of the narcotics and then send the parcel with all of the documentation to your agency.
Once the incoming parcel is taken into custody at your end, investigators should conduct as thorough an investigation as possible of the individuals who will be taking delivery of the parcel.
Once the agency has taken custody of an incoming parcel from another jurisdiction, all documentation should be reviewed including the search warrant and other pertinent information.
The parcel group should conduct an investigation including drive-bys of receiver locations to see if there is anyone at the location who can be identified.
Information that can be verified from vehicle tag information, residence information, and any other source of information should be explored.
Once all of the information has been developed, a controlled delivery is an investigative option.
A controlled delivery is delivery of a parcel, package, or envelope containing narcotics under controlled circumstances that has been sent either via a commercial private parcel company or the U.S. Postal system.
The actual physical delivery is typically made by a police officer in an undercover capacity, or by the U.S. Postal Inspector if the parcel is U.S. Mail. Under these controlled circumstances, the objective is to have a law enforcement officer make the delivery of the parcel to the suspect, who will either sign for or take custody of the parcel. The undercover agent will attempt to solicit any statements in which the suspect may admit knowledge of the parcel delivery. The key to any parcel investigation is for law enforcement to prove that the subject had knowledge of the parcel’s contents. This is critical to the prosecution of the suspect in a parcel investigation. It is virtually impossible to litigate a criminal case without proving knowledge of contents.
The difficulty with controlled deliveries is timeliness. There is limited investigative time if the parcel is sent overnight or express mail.
Many traffickers will instruct associates not to accept parcels if they are late.
This is a difficult proposition for law enforcement.
An officer may attempt to deliver a suspect package but the person will not accept it, because he knows that commercial parcel companies guarantee delivery by a certain time.
Once a decision has been made to conduct a controlled delivery of a parcel, most states allow an anticipatory search warrant to be drafted.
An anticipatory search warrant is prepared in anticipation of a controlled delivery of a parcel to a premises.
Probable cause, which led the law enforcement agency to the discovery of the parcel, should be included and articulated in the anticipatory search warrant.
All fictitious information, type of drugs, examinations, and all other pertinent information should be included in the anticipatory search warrant.
In some jurisdictions, a judge or magistrate will sign the anticipatory search warrant before the controlled delivery of a parcel.
In other jurisdictions, the parcel must be delivered and be in the premises before the anticipatory search warrant is signed.
In that case, the investigator will be in the presence of a judge and as soon as he is advised that the parcel is in the location, the anticipatory search warrant is signed by the judge.
In some jurisdictions, with an anticipatory search warrant, once the parcel that was delivered during the controlled delivery is located, the search must be terminated.
In other jurisdictions, investigators may be allowed to include other items as part of the search warrant such as documents related to the parcel activity.
This must be discussed with the U.S. Attorney’s office, or state or district attorney’s office in the particular jurisdiction.
In addition to preparing the anticipatory search warrant, investigators may consider placing an electronic alarm device within the suspect parcel.
This court-ordered tracking device emits a tone once placed inside the parcel.
When the recipient opens the parcel, the device emits a tone that alerts investigators that the parcel has been opened.
The placement and monitoring of this type of electronic device requires issuance of a court order. Application for a court order-authorized mobile tracking device is a separate document from the anticipatory search warrant.
The mobile tracking device order should indicate that law enforcement placed the device in a suspected package parcel to track the parcel to its ultimate destination and to alert that the parcel has been opened.
No monitoring of conversation is permitted under these circumstances.
Typically, the initial tone of the device is a slow beep tone and once the alarm has been triggered, it emits a fast, flowing tone.
The criteria for use of an electronic device are the size of the parcel.
It is very difficult to place, for example, a device in an overnight envelope.
The box should be large enough to house this type of device.
Law enforcement agencies can purchase these electronic alarm devices from a variety of vendors. The device is the size of a credit card or smaller, and less than 1/8in thick.
In preparation for the controlled delivery, investigators should conduct pre-surveillance of the targeted location in an attempt to identify any individuals related to the case or any suspicious activity at the location.
In a controlled delivery operation, law enforcement should take the same steps as for preparation of any search warrant execution.
An operational briefing should be conducted; entry teams and search teams will be assigned with regard to execution of the search warrant.
When conducting a controlled delivery with a commercial private carrier, loss prevention personnel will assist in the delivery. The facility will provide the necessary equipment such as a delivery truck, delivery attire, and necessary documents to accomplish the delivery.
In a controlled delivery using U.S. mail, the U.S. Postal Inspector’s office will conduct the controlled delivery with the local, state, or other federal agency. The delivery will be conducted by someone wearing U.S. Postal Service attire.
During a controlled delivery, electronic surveillance should be used to secure evidence.
Electronic devices such as a body bugs may be used by the investigator making the controlled delivery for the purposes of safety and to obtain any evidentiary conversation with the suspect or suspects.
The use of video equipment to conduct electronic surveillance of the controlled delivery is suggested and can be used as evidence in the case.
Surveillance teams should be in place for mobile surveillance in case the suspect takes custody of the parcel and departs the location once the delivery has been made.
Mobile units as well as air support, if available, with either a fixed-wing plane or a helicopter, is suggested.
The decision to stop or detain the suspects is different in every case.
The circumstances will dictate the approach.
One of the difficulties in conducting controlled deliveries is the wait — how long it will take the individual to open the parcel after he takes delivery. This goes toward proving knowledge in a parcel case.
The electronic alarm device makes this easier. When an alarm device is not feasible due to the size of the parcel, investigators may find themselves playing a guessing game as to how long to give the individual before making entry to a location.
If no alarm device is available, investigators must give ample time for the parcel to be opened.
Again, circumstances will dictate what occurs. If the suspect departs a location and may have the parcel or the substance contained on his person, a decision may be made to detain the individual.
Experienced traffickers may wait long periods of time, even a number of days, before opening a parcel.
The agency must make a decision with respect to how long it will monitor the situation, which will depend on resources and other factors.
In many parcel cases, the use of a “drop house” or business is used.
A drop house is typically a location designated by the sender and receiver for a parcel to be delivered to.
Lower level associates typically staff it.
It may be a friend’s or relative’s home or business or an unknown residence where there is no relationship to the suspect, such as a vacant home that is for sale.
There are advantages to the use of a drop house by drug traffickers. Since it is not the suspect’s main residence, the receiver can claim that he had no knowledge of the parcel.
The parcel is generally not opened at that location but is picked up by associates and taken to another location where it is opened.
The difficulty in all of this is attempting to keep track of the parcel.
The parcel may be delivered at the drop house, at which time the appropriate individuals are contacted, and they arrive and take custody of the parcel.
If the package is large enough to be seen being removed from the location, investigators may attempt to conduct a surveillance and track the parcel with the tracking alarm device if one is placed.
Once the suspected parcel is taken into another location, whether a business or residence, investigators may wait until the alarm is triggered, and then make contact with individuals at the location, securing the residence, and obtaining a search warrant.
The law allows for law enforcement to be able to secure a residence and obtain a search warrant based on the circumstances described.
Once an anticipatory search warrant has been executed in a case where a parcel goes into an original location or premises, a number of investigative efforts take place.
During the search of a residence, investigators should look for telephone billing information.
Any telephone records showing out-of town telephone numbers may be seized as part of the search warrant.
Follow-up efforts can be made by possibly identifying the source sender.
The interview of the receiver suspect should be conducted as soon as possible.
The individual may cooperate with law enforcement and enable investigators to use some innovative options to make a case with the sender.
In cooperation with law enforcement, the cooperative suspect may contact his source while law enforcement conducts a controlled monitored recorded telephone conversation between the cooperative individual and the source.
There may be an opportunity for a delivery of monies that are owed for the narcotics to be made by another jurisdiction, if the suspect cooperates.
Attempt to identify the source during the interview of the receiver suspect.
Obtain information about where the individual resides; names, telephone numbers, and other pertinent information.
Many agencies that have parcel task force groups have tried an investigative method known as a “reverse knock and talk.”
This is used where timeliness is a factor and the parcel could not be delivered due to a variety of circumstances, such as resource issues.
The reverse knock and talk is when investigators contact the individuals at the address on the label of the parcel containing the drugs.
Generally, the name will be fictitious.
The agents ask if they can speak with the party and ask if he has knowledge of a parcel being delivered at his location.
Many will deny any knowledge of the parcel.
Others will admit to having knowledge of the contents and will provide details about the package and its delivery.
The individual may cooperate and assist in follow-up operations.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained is the motto here.
Why not take a shot at trying to further the investigation, unless other information is developed and a long-term operation is warranted.
Follow-up efforts may include trash or garbage pulls from the suspect residence to determine what activity may be occurring.
Trash pulls are permissible from a residence or business if the trash is put out to the curb for collection.
Investigators should not take trash from the residence if it is near the home such as by the garage; it must be clearly left on the curb for collection, where there is no expectation by the owner that it will not be taken.
Trash should be examined for remnants or trace amounts of drugs, evidence of parcel activity such as discarded packaging from parcels received, and other evidence of narcotic activity.
Investigators have found trace amounts of drugs in discarded packages.
All of this evidence can be used if there is a pattern to track parcels being delivered at the location as well as build probable cause for a search warrant for the premises.
These are all options that the investigator may take into consideration.
The U.S. Postal Inspection Service is the investigative arm of the U.S. Postal Service.
Postal inspectors are federal law enforcement officers who enforce over 200 federal laws in investigations of crime to include controlled substances.
Under U.S. Code 21, U.S. C841, 843, and 844, postal inspectors initiate investigations related to transportation and distribution of narcotics through the U.S. Mail or other postal facilities.
The U.S. Postal Inspection Service cooperates with local, state, and other federal law enforcement agencies in controlled substance operations.
These joint investigative efforts with local authorities are part of parcel interdiction groups around the country.
The postal inspectors investigate individuals who utilize the U.S. Postal system to facilitate the transportation of narcotics.
The postal inspector’s office does perform the controlled deliveries of suspected parcels with the assistance of local, state, and other federal authorities.
The U.S. Postal Inspector is typically the individual who makes a controlled delivery of U.S. mail.
Federal search warrants are only used in searching U.S. mail.
State search warrants are not valid in the searching of U.S. mail.
The U.S. Postal Inspection Service can also assist local law enforcement in identifying patterns of activity, through what is known as “mail watch.” With a mail watch, investigators can identify patterns of incoming and outgoing mail by an individual.
Correspondence with the suspect of incoming mail only is known as a “mail cover.”
Investigators can identify correspondence with the suspect from other individuals.
The U.S. Postal Inspection Service can also conduct a historical search of mail being delivered to a particular location. (End of excerpt)
How to accept the package using the information we know now?
Look, if merely having drugs sent to you is enough to get someone in trouble then I could put every person who has ever harmed me behind bars for life by just dropping some packages in the mail.
But it is not that simple.
As the law enforcement manual above states PROOF OF KNOWLEDGE OF THE CONTENTS BY THE RECEIVER IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY TO PROVE A CASE! If you do not admit to knowing about it there is nothing they can do except try to get you to admit it.
Unfortunately police have an extraordinarily easy time getting people to admit that they were waiting for a package filled with illegal drugs.
They usually do this by one of two approaches.
I have seen both approaches work against hardened criminals and I can’t believe the stupid fuckers fall for it and admit their way into years of prison when otherwise they’d walk free.
The two approaches really are the good guy bad guy approach.
For you ‘personal use buyers’ you will most likely get the good guy approach first and if it doesn’t work then you will get the bad guy approach.
The good guy approach goes like this, the police will try to act all nice and like your friend (after giving you a heart attack with a bust) and say, “Look man we don’t really care if you ordered yourself a little bit of drugs to use for yourself, we just want the sellers, the real bad guys, we know you are a good dude and a working man and that’s why we don’t care about you, so just tell us where you got this from. We know you are an honest guy so please just be honest with us. I promise you won’t get into any trouble, I will see to that.”
Then if this doesn’t work they will try their scare tactics, “Look man you are FUCKED. You are in a lot of trouble and going to jail as it stands. You are going to lose your job, maybe your house, maybe your kids, you are in lots of trouble, the only way to get out of it is to just admit what you did.”
You will be in a position of fear and shock and you will be amazed how easily you may want to cave into one of their approaches.
It’s literally because you become dumber.
When something like a bust happens your fight or flight mechanism kicks in. What this does is drives all your blood from your brain into your arms and legs. All that oxygen and nutrition you had in your brain is now in your arms and legs to fight or run away.
You are now a stupid motherfucker and the cops will take advantage of it.
Don’t let them!
Not going to prison or being on many many years of probation really is just as easy as keeping your mouth shut.
Even if you have to go to jail then just go, bond out, and either the cops will fold on their bluff and drop charges, the prosecutor will neglect to file, the judge will toss out, or worse case your lawyer files a motion to dismiss, but 9 times out of 10 you will just have the cuffs taken off and the police will leave knowing that you won.
So DO NOT EVER ADMIT TO ANYTHING! Act scared, confused, panicked, whatever, and just exercise your right to remain silent.
However, it does not even need to get to that.
Not admitting to anything is the first rule of accepting drug packages safely.
But not even allowing them to bust you in the first place is even better as no one wants to have to stand up against the police’s gestapo interrogations.
I believe the easiest way to do this is by renting a mailbox at a UPS Store or other mailbox rental place (I think the Mom and Pop independent ones are the best).
If you can’t pay an extra few dollars to guarantee safe deliverance of your drugs then you probably should not be ordering drugs off the internet.
Pick one that you can access 24/7 which most are. Always use your real ID.
Using a fake ID can instantly compromise your box and very much hurt you if one of your packages becomes compromised.
Fake IDs can add to probable cause to open/watch your mail, make it harder for you to deny you had bad intentions with the box, and ultimately get you into a lot of trouble independently of the drugs because post-911 fake IDs are now a serious crime (before they were associated with underage drinking, now they are associated with mass murder, terrorism, id theft, and credit card fraud).
So use your real ID/name.
After you have your box then order from a trusted vendor.
Ordering from good established vendors who know what they are doing helps greatly in not having to deal with a hot package.
When the package comes let it sit there for a couple days.
Law enforcement does not have the resources to conduct 24/7 surveillance for a small time buyer (and most times not for a bigger buyer as well).
After hours, like say 9pm, visit your box, check out the area a little bit, go in, grab your package, and without opening it take it back home.
If you like, set it to the side as if you forgot about it and open it a couple days later (which maintains the ability to deny knowledge of the contents).
When you feel it’s good to do so open it up, verify contents, then go hide it in a good place.
Now you are good!
Most buyers and vendors would suggest all of that is going overboard, but if you are paranoid that is the way to go and gives you a legal loophole out of any trouble until you can safely hide it (I think burying is always the best option, particularly off your property).
To further spoof your intentions to receive drugs through your mailbox, use it for other deliveries as well. Order some cheap goods from Amazon, eBay or Overstock. Amazon packages are clearly identifiable as being from Amazon. Others, not fulfilled by Amazon will look no different from your drug delivery package, so no one will take notice.
But most importantly, if something went sour, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!